What in the World?!

I know what you  must be thinking, “Who in the world still BLOGS!?” 

And normally I would agree with you.  However, I’m using this blog forum as a sort of Journal as I share my journey with Depression, Anxiety, and OCD in the art medium of Poetry.

So, a little back story, I was officially diagnosed with Depression in December, 2016 after I had been writing some very dark and very morbid poetry about death and suicide.  

I told one friend, on December 3rd, that I was going to “do it tonight”, and she freaked out, called my husband, and told him to look at my Facebook messages.  He did, and called the police on me.  I was actually at a friends house at that moment that the police called me, so I had to leave and go home.  Michael had me checked into a Psychiatric Hospital two days later.  

This past August (Saturday, the 26th) I was very suicidal after being off my meds for over four months due to me running out and not being able to access a family doctor.  So I was, once again, admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital.  But this time, I was also diagnosed with OCD.  I guess it makes sense, I do tend to ruminate on things, and I do have specific orders I like to do things in.  Especially when it comes to food.   I don’t know why I’m like that, I just am.  It drives some people bonkers, but I literally can’t help myself sometimes!  

For example, whenever my family and friends are playing Magic: The Gathering together, I like my counting dice facing the same way.  Specifically with the ones facing up, and the fours facing to the left.  Again, I don’t know why, but that’s just the way I am. Anyway, I literally almost start to cry if I see they’ve been messed up and I didn’t do it.

Guilt is my biggest trigger as far as my depression goes.  Anxiety, it could be anything and I suddenly will have a breakdown.  I’ve had a few at work before.  Thankfully I had some really supportive co-workers that hugged me, and just held me and rubbed my back until I could steady my breathing, dry my tears and blow my nose.

That being said, a lot of my poetry will be about what it’s like for me to live with a mental illness.  I, with permission, will share a couple other’s poems as well.  and for a change of pace, I might throw in a few recipes for some delicious sweet treats every so often.

So, without further adieu, I give you, “The Blackened Rose”.