Guilt

The guilt was overwhelming.

The tears burned in her eyes.

The knot in her throat started aching.

In her hand, she held the knife.

One strong live and it’d be over.

One strong slice and it’d be done.

She wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again.

She’d be silenced, but depression won.

She remembered how much better

She had felt after the hospital.

She felt loved, and happy, and free.

None of which she could now understand.

She journaled and wrote furiously.

Her tears staining every page.

She knew she didn’t deserve to

But her heart with desire did wake.

Desire to keep her darling husband.

Who had faithfully stood by her side.

While she who had been the harlot

Did constantly and habitually lie.

She went to get the sleeping pills.

She counted them one by one.

How many was enough to end it?

The hurting she had done was enough.

She knew she was loved, for sure

She knew it was just her depression.

But starring herself in the mirror

Did nothing for the self hate in her heart.